Why this site hasn't changed for the last nine months

    I know that after I made such a big deal out of the new web site coming on strong and hard, all of a sudden, nothing for nine months. I am not happy with this nor am I proud of it, but I do have an explanation if you will permit one.

    If you were to explore the copy of my old web site, the "Romance Illusion" site that you would link to if you were to click on the pop-up box on the index page, you would find in the "RI News" area an article entitled "Polymiositis at one year". In this letter you learn that in recent years I have contracted this baffling disease that has made all of my muscles over a long period of time as weak as a baby's muscles. This of itself isn't enough to make me quit my web site, I actually had polymiositis for about nine years now. There is a more devastating circumstance that has pervaded my life and my work. Even though I have found ways to overcome, or should I say live with, this disease I have found that the people I was living with cannot. The result of this is that I have been condemned to live in a nursing home. Now I don't say that nursing homes are bad places but I need very little attention, my care is quite simple and easy for anyone who really wants to care for someone in my condition. My condition really doesn't warrant living here except that I can't get the scant but essential assists during the day to function (mostly morning and evening).

    Now here's the real reason why I haven't been accomplishing. It is actually recommended that "residents" don't keep valuables so that they don't get stolen. I also found that I would not get to keep any of the proceeds of my work be there someone who would commission my work. It took me some time since I was put in here to decide that I must take the risk of losing my computer (and all else that's valuable to me when my back was turned) to keep up my work, and my sanity as well. I have spent some time now realizing that the likelihood of theft is at a reasonably low level (evaluation on this point are made person by person and day by day).

    There are also considerations of space, I have less then I ever had to work in; time, this facility controls my time much more then I would have though (I guess it would make a world of difference if I could just get up and move freely); interruptions, my time is on a schedule that seems to be run by the willingness of the staff to "cater" to what I may need at that time, causing me to interrupt my creativity more often than in my studio; and the lion's share of my references and tools are still "at home" where I previously resided. Oh, and one more point, I guess just for me, but a sense of spirit has been all but lost here, just trying to keep it up is monumental for me.

    Although this is the heaviest situation I have ever had to endure (you may be different, this may be a walk in the park for you) I have no intention on abandoning my dream, for this is the culmination of all the insight and work of my life. Pray for me and all who are trying like me to keep life stewing in them and not give in to the convenience of the world.

January 04, 2004 1:15pm "out of my one and only window over my right shoulder except for the www!" est 

Page composed: 01-04-2004 updated: 02-11-2004